Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
