Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
