As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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