We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
