I am spending my child support on dildos
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
