I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
