My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
