This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
