He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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