my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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