Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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