Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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