After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
