you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
