she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
