Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
