I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
