He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
