I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
