you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
