that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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