We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
