I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
