that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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