I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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