I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
