Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
