yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
