Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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