Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
