my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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