where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
