you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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