I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
