The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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