are you still at the devil's house?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
