and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
