Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
