if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
