After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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