Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
