Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize