i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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