How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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