I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The struggles of a small town man whore
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
