I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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