Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
