I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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