I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
