Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
