He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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