We named our party play list daddy issues
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
