Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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