when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
someone owes me an orgasm
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
