You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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