i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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