Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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