Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
