I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
