Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
