Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
