if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
