When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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