ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
