I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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