Only a mothe r could love this liver
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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