using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
